Romance isn’t something you pay for

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Romance isn't something you pay for

So it’s Val’s Day, which I imagine is a very big deal for a lot of people, but not for me. I don’t think I’ve ever been wined and dined on 14 Feb in my life. If my husband brought home a dozen roses on this day, of all days,  I think I would just feel a bit embarrassed for the both of us.

Romance is dead, as far as I’m concerned. At least, the ‘romance’ you can buy should be pushed off a cliff, stat. I get that it’s ‘nice’ that there is a day just for couples, but I don’t understand why that needs to involve a specification of what ‘love’ looks like. Valentine’s Day is a manufactured sham that’s churned out in my least favourite colour. 

My mister and I will be spending tonight lugging junk down to the kerb for council pick up tomorrow.

I know so many women who feel somehow cheated on Valentine’s Day because their man doesn’t produce the flowers and the chocolates. Or doesn’t take them out for an overpriced dinner where you are squished up next to four other couples having exactly the same experience. Doesn’t buy them a card with some trite love poem churned out by a copywriter who writes twenty heartfelt missives a day.

Pah!

True romance is merely the sum of little kindnesses.

Let’s never forget the fact that true romance is merely a sum of little kindnesses. When you’re a kind person, you’re pretty much romancing the whole world and lifting that kindness to the next level for your spouse is what it’s all about. I know a lot of men like that. Men can be extraordinarily kind and they lavish their kindness on their partners on the daily.

My fella isn’t a ‘romantic’ man (and god knows, I love him that way), but he’s a kind man, so our life is filled with the sort of romance Valentine’s Day can only dream out. Yours might be too?

I’m talking about things like:

A meaningful kiss hello and goodbye

Taking time for something more than the kind of peck you doll out to the kids eleventy billion times a day. Pausing together to acknowledge a departure and celebrate a hello, now that’s romance.

Reducing the burden

When I overhear my husband say quietly to the kids, “Let Mum rest today, come see me if you need something”, it’s like foreplay. Or I might come home and he’s cleaned the house. Or he arranges to take the kids away to his sister’s for a night without me. When we feel cared for, now that’s romance.

Missing each other

I might get a little text telling me he’s missing me at the pub. Or he might come home from the library with a couple of books he thinks I might like. Or he’ll go three blocks out of his way to buy the brand of tea that I like. Constant thoughtfulness, now that’s romance.

Putting each other first 

He’ll knock back a night out with the boys if he thinks we haven’t spent enough time together. He’ll tell me daily that he loves me and why. He’ll tell people he’d rather spend time with me than anyone else in the world. When you know you’re someone’s favourite, now that’s romance.

He’s always got your back

I know he will always stand up for me, even when we sometimes both know I should pull my head in. He’s never put me down in front of anyone (actually, he’s never put me down, full stop). He’s my biggest champion when I’m trying new things and my biggest console when I’m not.  Being able to rely on someone like that, now that’s romance.

You don’t need to spend a penny to make someone’s heart flutter. Just let your sweetheart know that they are heard, that they are desirable, that they are loved, that they are irreplaceable. You can’t buy that, it’s far too priceless.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?

Photo by Clarisse Meyer on Unsplash

Written by Bron Maxabella

Bron is the founder of Mumlyfe and is so happy to welcome you here. Bron has been writing in the Australian parenting space as Maxabella for more than seven years and is mum to three mostly happy kids and wife to one mostly happy husband. Mostly happy is a win, right?

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